Stress vs. Stressors

Hey - It’s Michael.

Rode a motorbike through epic Vietnamese scenery the other day - just lovely! Enjoy the newsletter!

A powerful example of stress vs. stressors is veterans returning home. They made it home alive and left the warzone [= the stressor]. The stress however, if they have not dealt with it, remains in their body. They now must face & process the emotions [= the stress] in order to return to a healthy life. ¹

While for most of us it might not be that extreme, the principle remains the same. You can leave a workplace with a culture you don’t like, finish an intense project or end a relationship you don’t enjoy - but even after removing these external stressors from your life, you’ll still have to deal with the internal stress inflicted on your body.

If you fail to do so, it might heavily impair your capacity for healthy high performance. You might develop (or already have developed) all sorts of unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid feeling unwanted emotions [= the stress].

While there are many situations in work life where it’s advantageous to repress emotions - it is absolutely necessary to express & move through them in a different setting [= complete the stress cycle].

There are countless self-help books about crisis, trauma, facing adversity, emotions, spirituality and mindfulness. There is one principle they all have in common:

Principle:

Feel your emotions (= observe body sensations).

In pop psychology they call it “Feel the feels”: Letting your body fully move through an emotional experience without judging it leads to a healthier & happier life. ²

Everybody knows how good & relieving a cry can feel. This is your body washing out stress hormones with tears & completing the stress cycle.

Complete a small stress cycle.

After an intense & stressful meeting let your body move through the stress response. Try to notice how your body feels. Go and do that workout, punch your pillow or cry on the floor.

There are many healthy ways to express emotions.

Stop Rule:

Stop avoiding unpleasant emotions (= sensations in your body) after stressful events.

If you’re anything like me a few years ago and have no idea of how the heck to feel your emotions, the unfortunate news is: nobody will teach you in a 5min read.

You can however learn by reading books, going to therapy and, most importantly, practicing mindfulness techniques.

Over the years I built a variety of practices to move through different emotions - hit reply and let me know if you’re curious about them.

“The body keeps the score.” - Bessel van der Kolk

What am I unwilling to feel?

See you next week - Michael