Active Listening

Hey - It’s Michael.

Spent a spectacular dance weekend in Sofia & now paying the price for lack of sleep. Enjoy the newsletter!

You speak, they speak, you speak, they speak. Empty.

It’s just an exchange of words, but there is no real information flow, nor real connection. It feels empty & shallow.

With others you speak and there’s excitement, curiosity and engagement - you feel it in every fiber of your body.

A good conversation often offers learnings you could have never gotten in a different context.

We live in a world of fast-paced information flow - LLMs make learning as easy as ever. Yet real human connection is still something you’ll have to build on your own.

And this you can do with good conversations.

The easiest way to have good conversations is to practice active listening.

To put it colloquially, it means to shut up and let your counterpart talk. It means to listen without judgment, putting your opinions aside and being open to whatever the person is saying right now.

It means to - instead of replying whatever comes to your mind - listen with curiosity & maybe even compassion.

Principle:

Listen to others with curiosity & openness.

You might learn much more about the other person and yourself if you don’t respond, but just observe your body and ask more questions.

As the Stoics teach, in the end it is impossible to control what other people do - the only thing you can control is your mind, your actions, your judgement in this moment. And your reasoning is much better informed if you listen.

These are exactly the things healthy high performers focus on: whatever is within their control.

Approach a conversation with the intent to really listen.

Follow your curiosity. Ask whatever comes to your mind and then shut up and observe.

Stop Rule

Stop speaking when you think it’s your turn - ask another question and listen carefully instead.

Observe your counterpart, observe what they say, how they say it, how fast or slow, their pitch and facial expressions.

Observe your own body and your body’s reactions. Take your own emotions as guidance to ask the next question.

Something excites you? Ask them for clarification. You might just learn something very important about life.

Something upsets you? Ask them for clarification. You might just learn something very important about the relationship.

Heads up: if you take what others say personally (which you should never do), this way of conversing can be emotionally intense. So choose your boundaries & when to stop / walk away wisely.

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” - Larry King

What if I let others simply be themselves?

See you next week - Michael

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